When everything is a struggle for me, it usually means one of means one of a few different things . . .
- It really is just a rough patch of time - life's like that, as some days are easier than others, and there are (of course) occasions where a few bad days string together randomly
- I was feeling so very good about the DungeonBed purchase, as well as the visit to IML, that a little bit of rebound was almost inevitable.
- I'm exhausted and sore - I suffer from some chronic arthritic conditions as well as Fibromyalgia. Laying a new floor and painting, bringing home our dungeon bed, and assembling our dungeon bed, were all very strenuous activities which have caused significant increases in my arthritic pain. When I hurt I can't sleep, and when I can't sleep it makes me hurt even more. It's a viscous cycle that makes me feel a bit like I'm circling a drain, getting sucked deeper and deeper towards oblivion.
- I'm depressed - I've never been to the "so depressed I can't get out of bed" state, but I've been close once or twice in my life. I thought those episodes were behind me now that I have quit working in politics, not to mention having a wife who's truly supportive of my interests - a first for me! But, I also have to recognize that the sense of "circling a drain, getting sucked deeper and deeper towards oblivion" isn't just a phenomena related to pain and lack of sleep, it's also a sign I might be circling into a cycle of depression.
- It's just a sign of the times. The world really is going to hell in a fucking hand-basket.
Like the commercials say, "depression hurts", so it's my experience that not only do #3 and #4 go together like a fist inside a glove, they also pack a mean nasty punch.
To a certain extent, I find myself agreeing with #5, the world is pretty fucked up, and I find myself feeling a bit like a Jim Morrison lyric, "the future's uncertain and the end is always near . . . " Which brings me to the solution. I need to take my slave in hand, and play with her hard, every day of our upcoming three day weekend.
It answer's #1, as there's nothing better to get over a rough patch of time than some rough sex! It takes care of the second possibility as well, as there's nothing there that some good use of our new bed won't completely resolve.
Numbers #3 and #4 are also resolved by some extended attention to my slave/wife, as the endorphins released by a great BDSM session are a sure cure for both pain and the blues. Thinking about #5, I return in the same vein to my youthful nihilistic leanings, and will ape the aforementioned dead rock star in saying . . .
"I don't know what's gonna happen man, but I wanna have my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames."
SOUNDTRACK - American Night / Roadhouse Blues by The Doors
SPECIAL BONUS - for anyone who remembers the early 1980's Rolling Stone magazine cover that read, "JIM MORRISON - He's Hot, He's Sexy, He's Dead!!!"