Thursday, May 24, 2012

Servitude

Kinda like attitude with a servant's heart.

This morning it feels like I have seriously offended Master. I feel a void as well.

Almost without ever missing a beat I enjoy attending to Master as he is getting ready to get to work at the office. I get him his drink, ensure that we take our allergenic meds, make breakfast, and run his bath.



Quite often as he is having his bath I may just stand, or sit near him and we chat. Often there is a bit of fussing with the laundry. (The bath area and laundry area occupy the same area.)

Today was no exception. Some days there is plenty of hot water. Many days it is only acceptable. We have had many discussions with this hot-water heater. It does whatever it wants anyway!

Today was a really bracing warmth offering. We have been putting in laminate flooring for our bedroom. The first few rows are hell. But, it does get easier. Last evening we had made significant progress, but in return we got really sore. So sore and tired that I didn't have my shower before bed and instead I washed my face and arms.


This morning the bath sounded SOOOO GOOD! I asked Master to leave the bath so I could hop in after he was done. he cordially agreed and when he was done I slipped into that warm encompassing delicious hot water.

I knew that Master would need clean socks and underwear, and had them laid out where he always dresses. Master was on his own and probably felt a bit of pressure to get going, and I wasn't there for him. He returned to where I was in the tub and hastily said he had to get going. I asked for a kiss and he barely had time for that.

I feel bad now for taking that bath, because it put stress on Master and I feel like I missed out, because I so enjoy serving and looking out for Master. I feel like Master was less than happy, and I put the underwear and socks back into the drawer again, and I feel like a wind sock. I allowed me to indulge myself and it costs me. . it really does.

I took a bath this morning, and my muscles are very grateful.  Unfortunately I feel just a bit empty .

7 comments:

  1. I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I am sure he understands why you did that and that he would want you to be comfortable as well. He was just rushed to get out. Maybe you could do something special for him when her gets home to make you feel more balanced.

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  2. Serafina,

    i know exactly how you feel, i think every slave does. We all do things that sound so wonderful at the time and then just a moment later, we regret the indulgence. There's only one thing for you to do though, accept the error and move forward in your service to Him. i think digging deeper into our service instead of allowing ourselves to feel empty is even a greater sign of slavery than succumbing to our own weakness.

    i LOVE barez idea, even though you are so very pressed for time to get this room finished maybe you could take just a few extra minutes today to do something that Michael knows you wouldn't ordinarily be able to do for Him.

    i'm thinking about you!

    Blessings! =)

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  3. Thanks Ladies! Master was able to come home a bit earlier than normal, and he had delayed his lunch and I was able to pull something from my hat. We'd had a couple of business-related calls to each other and he was just fine.

    And yes, of course he felt he had to rush, and was mildly irritated for that, but he did not in anyway blame me. . in fact he sent an email with the messages on the office machine with 5 points.

    the first four were calls I needed to return, and the fifth point was:
    5 - Know how much I love you!

    I agree with Treasure in that digging deeper into serving is always the right thing to do.

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  4. Just sending many hugs, serafina. Think it's happened to all of us.

    Some sadly more often than others. Especially lately it seems.

    Hugs!

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  5. Aw, I've read this post and your Master's response, and I'm glad everything worked out OK.

    ~tranquility

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  6. Here's the part I don't understand: who in the world has time to take a bath in the morning before work???!! I don't even have time for a shower in the morning (so I shower at night before bed).

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    1. Well Kate, it's my opinion that you can make time for anything if you want it bad enough, ya know? It's really just a question of priority. I set my alarm for 7 am, but I don't leave for work until 9 am - leaving plenty of time to wake up, read a blog or write a little, have breakfast, and then enjoy a nice bath before facing the world.

      I often take a bath (or shower) twice a day, once before heading off to work and once again upon arriving home. It's not so much that I'm a clean freak, I've never been accused of such, instead it's just personal reality.

      I'm never satisfied with the look of my hair unless it's freshly washed. I also have more than my share of allergies, so a bath or shower at the end of the work day helps to keep our sleeping area allergen free.

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