Tuesday, April 17, 2012

TMI Tuesday - Michael - Honest Abe Tax Day Edition

Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction . . . Sadly, this isn't one of those times! 
Michael's "Honest Abe Tax Day Edition" of TMI Tuesday.
1. Do you know how to pick a lock? Have you ever used this skill to gain unauthorized access?
I don't really know how to pick a lock, although I do know the "credit card" trick to popping a door open.  I've never used my knowledge to gain unauthorized access anywhere, only to get back into a house where keys had been accidentally locked.

2. Do you know how to open a safe with a rotary combination lock? Have you ever used this skill to gain unauthorized access? What did you find?
No I can't crack a safe.  I do know a guy who could do this for me if I asked, for a small fee.  In my mind that's better than knowing myself . . .

3. Have you ever made a copy of a key you were not supposed to have? Did you use it to gain unauthorized access? What were you looking for? Did you find it?
I'm afraid this particular TMI Tuesday is going to elicit boring answers from me.  I'm a Master, which means I enforce rules, and I'd be a rather hypocritical character were I to go around breaking rules myself.  I've never made unauthorized keys or used them to gain unauthorized access anywhere.  I think the worst I'd done was in my days as a chef - habitually borrowing my food manager's linen closet key to grab a fresh clean apron part way thru the day when one apron per day was all we were allowed.  Pretty daring huh?

4. Have you ever stolen or guessed a password? Did you use it to gain unauthorized access? What did you do?
Yes, I am guilty of this offense.  Something like 12 years ago, when my Mother was going thru a nasty divorce she asked me to crack my Father's email.  It took me three days of guessing passwords, but I eventually did get into his email for her.  Rather than passing along any of his personal information, which I didn't feel comfortable reading anyway, I decided to simply deleted everything in his inbox.  I knew he couldn't help but notice all the missing correspondence and take measures to change passwords to something more secure.  I'm disappointed with myself for this action, ashamed really, but Mother's do know how to push their son's buttons . . .

5. Do you know how to get data from a computer that requires a password you don’t know?
No I don't, I'm rather boring.  I do know a guy who could do this for me if I asked, for a small fee.  In my mind that's better than knowing myself . . .

6. Do you know how to record a telephone call? Have you ever done so secretly? Did you hear anything interesting? What?
I'm clueless as usual, just call me Sargent Shultze, I know nothing!  Seriously, I used to work in politics - everyone remembers Richard Nixon's tapes - so the LAST thing anyone would want is recorded phone calls.  I didn't even keep notes, having been advised that written notes can be accessed with a subpoena.  Having no notes and no real record records of calls and/or meetings also makes Freedoms of Information Act requests very easy to fulfill.

7. Have you ever used a webcam or nanny cam to photograph someone secretly?
I've used a nany cam/web cam setup to monitor my home when away, but it didn't lead to surreptitious photographs.  It was a homemade security system, to deter my ex-wife and her boyfriend from continuing to break into our former home where I was living during the divorce.

8. Have you ever used an infrared camera to photograph someone secretly in the dark?
No, I've never done that either . . . At my 16th birthday party in the 1970's I did sneak up on a friend who was laying in my bed making out with a married woman he had worked with . . .  and I snapped a flash photo with a Polaroid. Not exactly a Kodak moment . . .

9. Have you ever learned anything important by deliberate eavesdropping?
Only things I wish I didn't know . . . When I was 14 I evesdropped on a conversation my Mom was having with her best friend and learned that the best friend's daughter had been raped by her own father . . . ugggg

10. Do you know how to hot-wire a car?
Don't have a clue!  I don't even know a guy for this!

Bonus: Have you ever been paid for your sexual skills? What skill(s) did you perform?
The simple answer is yes.  From the age of 12 to 14 I was sexually abused by my piano teacher who had a penchant for performing fellatio on young boys.  He arranged with my parents to hire me outside of piano lessons to perform "odd jobs" around his apartment, which meant getting head.  When I put all those together, it means I've been paid for allowing a man to suck my cock.  I did protest and say I didn't want to go, but couldn't bring myself to tell my parents exactly why, and my parents didn't mind a weekly infusion of cash in my pocket which freed them from paying an allowance.


  1. Re: #2, does your safecracking friend charge a percentage of the value of what's in the safe? Or does he charge a flat rate regardless of what's inside? We hope that he doesn't charge more than the value of the contents. :)

    Say what you will about your answers being boring, but it's clear that you've lived a varied and exciting life (if not always exciting in a good way). Your answer to #7 practically begs elaboration.

    And your answer to the bonus question was the last thing we would have expected! We sincerely hope that your piano teacher was eventually brought to justice.

    Love the Hogan's Heroes reference!

  2. My responses to these questions would be equally boring. I'm not a Master, but I am a good person. :) And lying or doing people wrong... just isn't in me. I hope, anyway.

    It is brave of you to share the piano teacher experience. What a jerk. :( I sincerely hope you've been able to heal from that experience.

  3. Being a victim of abuse hasn't really shaped my life in any way that I'm aware, other than being a motivation to hone my sexual skills with the opposite sex. In becoming a cocksman (for lack of a better word) I compensated for any confusing emotions caused by the abuse.

    I didn't seek any vengeance or any sort of punishment for what happened. Those events don't define me, but if I'd involved authorities or had attempted to gain a measure of vengeance, I think the events might have grown to larger importance and significance.

    @ Jack 'n' Jill - standard locksmith fees apply! I'm sure there'd also be a "finder's fee" - let's hope I'm never in a situation where I'd need to find out! ;)

    @ Ms Quinn - Certainly there are plenty of good people who aren't Masters and would be "boring" like me, it's just that being a Master has shaped my feelings about following laws and rules, I guess that was my point.

  4. Ah, no events define us, per se, but then they all do. We are a bundle of strange things made by both nature and nurture... defining us will take both more and less of one or two experiences.

    In any case, it is nice of you to share. I know it's not easy to do so. Cheers, Michael.


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