Friday, March 2, 2012

Struggling for Submission

This will be a 3rd in a series of submission series Sliding into submission is the first.  2nd is Leaving the world at the door

I see a number of Submissives struggle to stay under Domination. I too struggle from time to time. The best advice is what I remind myself to do is what I advise others to follow. I refer here to Male as Dominant and Female as Submissive, because that is my world. I offer the reader to re-interpret the terms to suit your perspective.

If you love and honor your husband then you are following the greatest Biblical tradition. . And if you call him Master or Lord or Sir, then you are in very fine shape to take the next step. Letting go should not look that much different in most things you do. . but your own attitude will be the most dramatic show.

Within the 24/7 BDSM world, rules that govern a relationship is in a sense taking back the ideals that are in the scriptures. Women are honorable, they have deep spiritual understandings that come from a variety of messengers including every time a woman goes into Estes. During the messes there is a holistic, and spiritual cleansing using only the freshet blood to wash out and slough out spent tissue. It is a perfect time for a women to take a little timeout to regroup her thoughts, get some needed rest, and regroup for the next page of activity.
photo by Serafina Samadhi

It is a good time to get a spa, do your nails, and get a massage and reflect. Ponder on as many things that are positive as possible. Things that seem less positive can be re-channeled into positives. You have to seek them out. A terrible thing may have happened, but what can you learn? Forgive any hurts. You must let go of injuries for your own sake. Adding them up, and hanging on to hurts will make you sick. In poor health you can not make good judgements as well as when your mind is unencumbered.

There will be many times when you slip into an old way of doing things, but try to think about any consequences before you do whatever. Soon this will become a habit and your Master will be honored by it.

There will be times you forget; then half-way through when you remember who you wish to be. And, there may be time when it does not occur to you at all that Master may want to have a say. Confess, apologize, state how you arrived and let him tell you to move on, unless you both engage in reminder play. . it will all be good.

Just be aware and follow through what you have signed up for.

We Submissives are a very fortunate to have found a Master who is patient and takes us back time after time. And he is also fortunate to have a slave who takes time in considering what goes wrong and why.

If you are questioning your motives that is actually good. Because, if you wish to maintain this relationship you must remember it takes 2 hands to clap. . (otherwise you are just thumping).

Relationships are work! it takes both sides to be a relationship. And, no relationship is without flaws.

One of the greatest vulnerabilities of Doms is fear of his slave changing their mind and begin to accuse them of making them do things against their will, and ultimately abandonment. It is important that we fight fairly. Dominants should not threaten with strong actions to reject, nor should the submissive threaten to abandon. Not unless, that is, you are serious, and not just pouting.

It is well possible you are somewhat conflicted yourself about what it is you actually want. I know for myself when I was raising young children it was easy to want more. . or something. . anything else but what I have. The grass always seems greener on the other side.

Not realizing that what I had was exactly what I really wanted. I could only appreciate what I had back then, when years later all was striped away because one of us was so selfish to use the children as pawns. I am so very very lucky to have been sheltered by Master Michael.

My suggestion is to make a list of all the pros and cons of any decision and decide which is your best path. But if incidents arise suddenly without thought, then you need to decide if having your own way is more important that the relationship.

The one very important thing you are doing is reflecting on where/how/when did things go off-track. If you can understand where or how it got off-track then you both can work on better solutions.

We would be interested in hearing how you are working things successfully.


  1. Dunno about the 'successful' part, because we ran off the rails. But recently (as of a couple days ago) we both realized that our own anger and frustration had nearly torn us apart. Maybe, when he left town on a trip and didn't phone was both our chance to be still. Reflect on the issue (tho gotta say, mouse was pretty much feeling despondent we could fix anything, while at the same time hoping for an end to detente). Omega has always been big on that, "being still" with thoughts for mouse -- mouse tends to be a bit chatty ;-) It really let her focus not just on our dynamic...but a lot of other stuff that she needed to remind herself.

    After nearly 24 hours of silence and complete uncertainty, he phoned. We spoke for hours. When he got home, we spoke more, we also listened. It wasn't about who won or lost the argument, we realized we weren't arguing about just one issue, but really 50. He did what he does best, made a list of them all. Most were actually not very related to the lifestyle.

    But we also learned that mouse has been struggling with feeling balanced...and he thought he was being supportive. We have a new baby in the house, he didn't want to place too much pressure on mouse. The lack of sleep, the feelings of helplessness all came into play, inside mouse's mind.

    We revamped mouse's rituals, keeping them very simple, but incorporating bits that were important to our relationship.

    It's hard to imagine that was really all it took to help center mouse and understand again her purpose. So, much of what you wrote Serefina certainly resonated heavily with where mouse is right now.

    Anyway, mouse has probably rambled enough...thanks for writing this.


    1. " The lack of sleep, the feelings of helplessness all came into play, inside mouse's mind. "

      Could not let this one escape! I know that if I have one bad night I can do OK, however after 2 or more fitful nights my emotions are a wreck. I can not process anything very well and I tend to see things in the darkest of ways.

      It is during these times it is critical to keep and have his patience, and compassion and try to keep things simple. If I feel I am being un-appreciated for trying my best to please him it shatters any residual self esteem I might have gained. Then I too feel completely helpless. . and unworthy.


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