Tuesday, March 13, 2012

gone but not forgotten

Dear Mom,

It's not easy to know where to begin, to catch you up on what you've missed since you've been gone, so just know you've been missed.

It was a very mild winter here.  I didn't really have to ever shovel snow, not a single time.  Isn't that a hoot!

There were a few cold spells, but none of them strong or long enough to get the Mississippi to freeze.  I really don't remember any other winter being so mild.  I guess that's another place you'll be missed, I know you'd have had a couple years on the tip of your tongue that were just as mild.  Funny how we all remember and pay attention to different things.

Because there was such little freezing on the river, it wasn't a good year to go eagle watching.  We had one good day where we found several eagles on our regular eagle drive, and we did get a few pictures, but it was a slow year I'm sure you'd have found disappointing.

Smokey is still doing relatively well, but as you know he's getting up there in age.  He was born in '97 (I'm sure you'd remember that) so this July 4th he'll be 15.  I guess that will makes him 105 in dog years, quite an accomplishment for a big guy.

We don't take him for walks anymore, he'd stumble and fall coming back from visiting just a few houses down the street, I didn't have the heart to think he might break bones in such a fall, so he just stays in the yard now.

We have all been sick this winter, there's a bug going around that's really hard to shake, something you knew all to well in your lifetime.  Both Serafina and I have had three different courses of antibiotics, we feel better for a spell, but then the crud comes right back.  I guess in that way it's good you aren't here, as this bug would have sent you to the Hospital, and I know you were so very tired of being in beds that weren't your own.

Serafina takes very good care of me, better than you'd ever know, or even imagine.  I know you never really understood the depths of the fierce loyalty she and I feel towards each other, but as I told you near the end of your time here, she is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I mean besides being born.

Things are harder then they used to be, some days feel like such a struggle.  I know I still have terrible dreams remembering what it was like to hold you as you took your final breath, it's not an experience that's easy to shake.  I'm glad I was there to comfort you, but I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be the same.

Hell of a note to end on, but that's all I've got for now . . .


(Patrica Samadhi left this earth 8-30-2011, she was survived by her only son Michael.)


  1. That last breath is so hard to forget...

    Good for you for being there for her at the end.

    1. thank you Corina That is so true. I have watched death on a number of occasions, and I can honestly tell you dying isn't for chickens.

  2. I read this and my heart swells freeing a river of tears down my cheeks as the memory of my own last breath shared with my mother is relived through your words.
    They go but the love never ends, never lessens and we indeed are never the same.

    Heartfelt hugs to you both......

    1. Aw Renee, out hearts go out to you as well. So sorry for your loss.

      It is so nice to know that there are real people, with real feelings, and most of all real compassion.

      Whether or not you realize it you are like our family dear readers.

  3. How I related to your words.

    I was there many years ago when my Gran took her last breath. More recently (approaching the 3rd anniversary) my Mum. I relate so much how I am glad I was there with her when she passed, but it most certainly is something that has changed my life too.

    Thankfully, I have such wonderful memories, that always keep her near, make me always feel the love that was there and which bring comfort. I hope that you are blessed with such memories too.

    It is hard. I so relate and understand.

    Best, Kat


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