Friday, March 30, 2012

Finding Submission -a very honest question

I was cruising through the list of blogs we visit like I often do.  Sometimes I comment if I think that I can contribute something positive or constructive.

 Today I found a post with a very simple question, and it inspired me to ponder the question.  Just how much of what makes a person who is willing to become a Submissive slave compelling to a Dominant becomes lost as she looses herself to her Dominant?  In other words, How much does a Submissive repress their goals, talents, or even her natural charm to become what the Sub thinks the Dominant wants.  And is that the result the Dominant is looking for?

Photo by Serafna Samahdi
Ideally, I think it should be that a Dominant would desire to let her shine and polish and enhance her abilities.  I am not sure when and how that happens, but it seems that way, especially as I read fantasy and personal accounts of activities.

Perhaps it is because the authors assume their kink is everyone's kink.  Many authors leave out the  details about how enjoyable it was to be humiliated, used for sex, and dropped off when she did not get even one thing she longed and hoped  for in the beginning of the story.  It escapes me somehow that a smart, talented person who jeopardize her entire career to do things that would bring any hopes of success to a complete halt by public scandal, yet I read stories like that so much of the time. 

I am guessing that a lot of what is fantasy is simply that . . . fantasy.  I have no issues with fantasy.  I do have concerns that people are less able to separate fantasy from facts of living, and begin to live out aspects of fantasy that are fool-hearty.

I am also aware that there are submissives who do not have clear goals, dreams or even a clue about many things and might be in need of mentoring from a qualified Dominant.

I do struggle with 24/7 slavery at times.  I do not struggle at all with submission.  I embrace submission with all I am and have.  I willingly sacrifice my agendas, and ideas to support that of Master.  But I do think for myself.  I don't believe that another person has any obligation to deliver punishment.  I believe personally that everyone has an obligation to self-correct as much as possible.  I also believe that every person has the right to ask for assistance if they feel defeated in their own efforts.  However I am also convinced that attempting to control behavior, actions and thoughts by force of any kind does no good and brings resentment to both the Dominant and the Submissive.

I do welcome comments, as I am being incredibly transparent with my questions and thoughts. I am happy to try and expand what is not clear to our dear readers.

Thanks for stopping by.
Serafina Samadhi

EDIT:  I want everyone to be aware that I am very deeply devoted to Master Michael.  He is very careful to actually encourage me to become the very best me I can be. . he is even allowing me to attend Belly-Dance classes.  He would give me the moon if I wanted it.  Master is not the problem, just so you know. 


  1. I have been struggling with this, for the last year or so. We moved for an employment opportunity for my husband, away from a place where I am the vital one and he is sort of seen as an extra limb of mine, to this place so far away where that is totally reversed.

    I've only recently begun to really try to reach out and connect with people again, to not just be his +1, because I adore him and I adore submitting to him and being his +1, but I need to be my own person as well. It's hard to reconcile that with my complete devotion to him.

    He has no desire to erase me, but I've felt a little like I've been disappearing... it's just so easy to blend in to him. Being myself, that thing that I was back home, takes a lot of work in this new place.

    1. Thanks Conina for answering. . You inspired me to edit my post. thank you!

      I do want to make it very clear that I love Master so deeply and would do anything (almost) to want to please him. I try to be responsible to be aware of changes I need to work on, and so have someone to hold you accountable can certainly be helpful. And, like you I am completely devoted to him.

      I wonder too if when a Dominant has worked long and hard to "make-over" his slave, will they be happy with what they have created? Or will they now cast them away for having lost whatever appealed to the Dominant in the first place?

      I am sure some will come along and try and chide me to not over-think things. There is trust. . and I trust my Master, but I also know he is not God Incarnate and is limited to being human.

  2. serefina,

    It's hard to feels recently mouse has been mired in deep struggles...and wants so much to get back to those feelings where she felt lost in him and her submission.


    1. Dear Dear Mouse!

      You and Omega are so near and dear to our hearts, and we sure want you to get things right and on track as well. The way I see it is that Omega is very kind and patient and also very loving. Something seems to be in the way of trusting him fully, and I see you sort of like myself at a much younger age. . you want desperately to "Prove" yourself to be worthy and good.

      Sometimes. . (read often). . too much trying results in "it's not working!" It is kind of like the back wheel of a bicycle trying to take over the steering, when all it is supposed to do is respond to the power train, and follow the lead wheel.

      Hugs to you!

  3. Serafina -- I feel so very unqualified to express opinions in the realm of submission; especially when the question is about the potential for long-term and deeply rooted benefits or harms. I can look back and see where Master and I hurt one another in the context of "doing" M/s relating. That harm is slowly being healed as we work together to try to come through it, but it is very real.

    Before that? We both experienced benefits and joys and times of great contentment and fulfillment. And, so we continued. Somehow, I suspect we missed the warning signs about what was ahead, and it is not as if the warnings were not there. We just could not see -- would not see.

    Now we are beginning anew; hoping to construct something better and stronger and more honest and healthy. Your question is valid. Does the submissive risk fading into nothingness? Does the Dominant risk being slotted into roles and routines and expectations that bring Him to personal harm?

    I am thinking that the answers to those questions could be, "Maybe. Possibly. Not always, but sometimes." Knowing that gives me pause as we begin to move forward again.

    All the best,

    1. Hi Sue Swan!
      So glad you stopped by. . And you have a lot to say. . I am wondering if you would be able to cite an example of a harm, what signs were missed, and how are you repairing?

      I am also believing that you have experienced some strong positives and wonder if you would share some of those?

      And lastly I want to counter the "I am not qualified" as anyone who embraces the BDSM life-style even in the slightest way has qualifications.

    2. ...How much does a Submissive repress their goals, talents, or even her natural charm to become what the Sub thinks the Dominant wants...

      Repressing those things never works in the long run. I am very, very good at repression, not really so good at submission. And I found that no matter how much I loved, or wanted to please, my Master/Husband, I could only be who I am (opinionated, blunt, sarcastic, and firmly convinced that I know what is best for me).

      As it turned out, he was not as committed to living the lifestyle as I was, so perhaps the greatest act of submission I ever performed was agreeing to set it aside when he was done. For me, it worked out well that I did not change what or who I was - it has stood us in good stead when we needed it.


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