Monday, January 9, 2012

Wanted . . .a Dom. . . a master. . .

Looking for Love
Ever notice the number of people who need and want to be dominated? There seems to be a disproportionate ratio of people. . mostly women.  . . who are out there looking for someone to serve.  I hate to disappoint most of them because the good ones are always in demand and thereby taken.

Oh there are a good number of guys who do call themselves a "Dom", but may not have a clue what it takes to really be a Dominant.  Very few excel by it naturally  without having studied and researched the topic.  Many people seem to think that relationships, no matter of what nature they are will just fall into place without any care or concern and somehow there will be eternal bliss.

Won't happen!  Nadda!  All relationships take work. . .communication and understanding.

 More than anything,- Acceptance is key  
If one enters into a relationship at first everything seems so exciting and exhilarating, and it is,  You have no real expectation from each other and for most part you are willing to overlook things that may become a serious irritant in the not so distant future.  This can be either a very real warning sign or  a serious flaw; but you'd be seriously wrong if you think (as a submissive) he can be changed!  If as a Dom you think you have the right to correct you are also extremely wrong! 

Let me explain. . .As a Submissive you are on a journey, a destiny. . not to work at becoming a sub, but at being the best person you can be and to live that destiny.  With or without that Dominant, because when you are not looking for one, he/she will appear and you need to be ready. And as a Dominant you need to cultivate how to be tender and tough at the same time.  Not easy by any stretch and so many fail at this task.  

There are very few people who can sustain a lot of humiliation, extreme pain, and verbal abuse for an extended period of time.  If they appear to, they may well be physiologically flawed and need help.   You as a Dominant may even think that you are equipped for the task and you may very well be, but consider the long-term consequences that you may never develop trust or closeness as a patient/doctor living together.  Many live in a fantasy, magical, make-believe world and never give mind to how to create a space in which fantasy and illusions can be given a safe conception and delivery. How many readers could lend credence by admitting that they existed in a dead-end relationship for years trying to keep making it work out?

Thinking that one can "change" behaviors is presumptuous and full of folly.  No one can change unless he/she decides to of their own accord.  Even making the decision to change yourself is entirely fraught with obstacles as any smoker would know very well having tried umpteen times to quit. Change is a personal journey that begins and ends with "I care . . .  so I will"  

You can't make me. . .won't work unless I want to. . . and I would have to be convinced that I was loved and cared for in a way that I can recognize to trust you to help me. . what ever form that might take.  All that trust and confidence arises from discussion and over time the trust begins to grow.  Love, confidence, and trust are like mushrooms and keep spawning and propagating if cultivated well.  Left unattended, however and you could have a slimy mess.  

Everything is about giving and Everything is about receiving

I can not give anything unless there is someone to receive.  That is I as a submissive must be in a position to be able to receive and take into possession what my Dominant is offering.  It may be something I need, desire, or am willing to experiment  but unless I receive it  may be imposed, but it may not be the expected out-come.  And unless there is communication there are doubts which can lead to a downward spiral.

The goal we have at the Samadhi Castle is a highly positively charged energetic relationship with understanding of dynamics that keep it romantically out of control and enjoyable to the very end of our lives.  As a Master, Michael Samadhi has self-taught, and availed himself to almost everything written about sexual deviance and relationships, Tantra, spiritualism, and many other topics as they relate.  Serafina has done much the same.  We strive to serve the other. each in our unique ways.  Sometimes it means giving up on an agenda one of us has in honor for the other.  That can sometimes be difficult, but the end result is more fabulous still, because in an environment like that trusting becomes more simple, because nothing is reserved.  Places like Kink Academy has endless resources to learn techniques from getting consent to rope tying and anything your devious mind can imagine, and perhaps more.  There are lists of books too, - a few of which are listed here.


  1. Really interesting view, makes sense. The perfect solution does seem to be what is fostered and nurtured at Samadhi Castle. I think there are many of us who understand finding the right dominant is more than difficult, especially if already in a committed relationship (more vanilla than not). The world is grey, there are no rules in this greyness there is only respectful behaviour. I am happy to say that the men I have had the privelege to connect with have been respectful, nuturing and tough..but they have to navigate with me in another and primary relationship. My formula for life and TTWD will by necessity be different from the solutions found and lived at Samadhi Castle.


  2. Thank you for your insight littleone, of course there are many perspectives that I did not address, one which you mention is that people are living with one foot in the vanilla world and one foot on the BDSM world.

    I can only imagine how much more complicated that has to be. Add to that is someone who lives in a vanilla world and is doing their best to keep them apart. And then there might be children, and pets in the mix. For many the complications include disapproving society and or parents.

    Indeed we live complicated lives, don't we?


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