Friday, January 27, 2012

Time to move? Wouldn't you want to "Stay Moist at Wet"?

For over a decade I was a caregiver to a sick parent.  I'm an only child, so it never felt as though I had any option, the only thing standing between Mom and institutionalized health care was me.  I have nothing personal against nursing homes, but I do know that their residents wait longer for pain meds etc., and Mom's conditions caused enough agony that she was on methadone the entire time I cared for her.

My Father's still alive, but he choose to leave about a decade ago, he just couldn't handle everything that goes along with Mom's progressing illnesses, especially the changes in mental condition that often are associated with terrible chronic pain and opiate drug addiction.

My ex-wife left me, at least in part, because of my devotion to family.  It was her opinion that I was wasting the prime of my life (and hers) caring for an individual that didn't really appreciate my efforts, a person who expected rather than appreciated.

I was released from my caregiver duties last year, when Mom passed away after an extended hospitalization.  Watching Mom's monitors, I saw indications that the end was near, so I asked Serafina to go grab us lunch and tend to Mom's dog, hoping the tasks would last long enough to spare my slave/wife from having to sit and watch Mom expire.  I was alone there by her bed speaking softly into her ear as Mom passed.

Which leads us to where I find myself today, pondering what direction Serafina and I should take . . .

It might seem strange to some, watching me ponder the direction to take our lives.  I mean I'm fully empowered to make any decision I'd like, and I have a slave/wife who'd follow me to the ends of the earth should I choose.  I didn't inherit any funds when Mom passed, but Serafina and I find ourselves in possession of a house in pretty decent shape, it might need a new roof, but it's a house with no mortgage!

The only problem?  This isn't Seattle or San Francisco or Vancouver, not even close.  Hell boys and girls, it's not even Chicago. (The "Windy City" is not exactly a town well known for it's kink community, but at least there's one there.)

If you count the dogs, Serafina and I now live in a village of about 5000, the size is half that if you just count people.  I'm thinking that the closest thing we've get to a BDSM community in this town is when the local postal workers gather around the latest box of goodies I've ordered from the Stockroom (or Mr-S-Leather, Adam's Whips, Happy Tails, etc.) speculating about what might be inside.  OK, I'll admit that the UPS guy has delivered enough gear to our door that he now honks as he drives up, but I'm starting to get off topic with that observation.

I'm not sure that Serafina would want to go to a play party, although I'm also sure she could be dragged to one on a leash.  So perhaps it's not so much the BDSM community itself that I'm longing for, but instead simply the opportunity that goes with living in a larger and more progressive community.

If we lived elsewhere, I know Serafina would be enrolled in a class learning the art of Burlesque dancing.  Serafina's an artist in a number of different mediums, it would be so wonderful to be able to give her more support and opportunities in those pursuits.

But that would mean again assuming some kind of mortgage, while our home has no mortgage it's not exactly prime real estate either, the house itself would be worth two or three times as much if located in Seattle, San Francisco, or Vancouver.  Meaning to move to those areas, we'd  have to live in relative poverty for some time while reestablishing ourselves.

So while I'd love to live someplace like Toronto, where the Kink Engineering is having their Latex Party next month (the advertisement/illustration that accompanies this post) I'm not really willing to make the great leap and experience all the upheavals inherent in moving.  Serafina is very content where we are, and our intended focus is each other, not play parties and/or events.

So the answer to the post's title is - No, it's not time to move - our location's advantages outweigh disadvantage.  With the internet, location isn't even that important anyway.  We're building our own "community" here through, our friends and readers who join us here are priceless!

And there's always travel!  Meaning, now I just need to figure out how to enroll Serafina in a Burlesque class.   It's something like an 8 week class, so it's not one we can just catch on the fly in a weekend . . . I wonder if we could convince Miss Indigo Blue to release a video version of the class she teaches in Seattle?   Where there's a will there's a way, and every great idea starts with a simple spark!

Serafina, this is your next slave assignment - Please write Miss Indigo Blue and ask the deliciously sexy Burlesque goddess if she ever plans to release a video version of her Art of Burlesque class . . .   I'd also encourage you to write other well established Burlesque instructors (wherever they may exist) with a similar question.


  1. We don't have a big need to be in the "bdsm scene" at least anymore...

    But Having in lived in two of the three places on your short list...can honestly admit mouse would return to San Francisco in a heartbeat! Most of her life was spent there and the Tony Bennet song always makes her cry -- because now she gets it.

    As to the other're a good and caring person and exactly the type that wouldn't abandon your family just because life got a little crazy. Those are very admirable qualities...


  2. Awww that's so sweet (about the song!) There are no "places" in my life that make me sentimental, perhaps the home we live in now because I grew up here, but the memories are a mixed bag, having had a dysfunctional family and all . . .

    I don't think we have a need for anything except each other, but I do want to make sure Serafina never feels as though she missed an opportunity to try or do something . . . anything she would want . . .

    I remember when Serafina visited the midwest the fist time, and I can still see her looking around and asking me where we kept the "real" trees? Even the mightiest oak around here is nothing in size compared to the giant trees they grow in the Pacific Northwest - Serafina raised her children in the Lower Mainland / Vancouver region . . .

    Finally, I'd like to thank you for your continued comments here mouse! Know that you are cherished and appreciated here in our home and hearts!


    1. Right on!! to what Master said. . we love the interaction here. . thank you!

  3. There are a lot of constraints against seeking out or participating in a local community, beyond just geography. I appreciate that you write here the way you do - it gives me a little insight into what's out there or what might be gained or learned.

    1. You are so correct GG. . it is a predatory world out there. . there are plenty of good folk out there and then there are those with harmful agendas. We are glad to share what we know and welcome the sage experience of others. We write from our hearts, openly and transparently.

      Master Michael has always been an excellent writer and I am pleased to see him take joy in doing what he does so well. He has lots of ideas too. . I, on the other hand, struggle with writing, but every now and then I have a twinkle.

  4. I feel I can relate to you and Serafina in the dynamic of taking care of a loved one. I also took care of my mother for a very long time up until her death in my home as I sat beside her whispering a child's love and gratitude into her ear. A privilege I am grateful for. It speaks much about the character of you both. :)

    As for the social scene, I really don't think you're missing much. We have one here and it historically has been filled with more drama then kink. Maybe a trip to an established BDSM club now and then might fill that need versus access to an ongoing "group" with all the political warfare that accompanies.

    My best to you both,

    1. Oh Renee. . I would hug you and hold you tight if I could. . that is so sweet of you to do for your mom, and so difficult.

      And yes, we are fully aware of the internal politics of groups, and how they organize and cover up arrogance, just follow the money! Nothing is really all it tries to appear. We would rather hang out with simple but sane folks.

  5. Having lived in SF for many years, and being fairly active in the BDSM community, it *is* fun, and erotic, and I learned a great deal in a short amount of time. But honestly, there are an awful lot of creepy, irritating and just plain stupid people in the scene, and given the choice, I will stick with my current little rural town and forego the clubs, the play parties and the multiple partners. With just the two of you, I'd suggest saving up the money you'd be spending on a mortage and planning several week long BDSM themed vacations. You get the thrill of the choosing, planning, waiting and then living the trip - so much satisfaction, and then you get to come home!

    1. yea!!! for Kate. . that is exactly what we will be doing. . we are creating bucket lists of fun things to do along the way, and of course we hope to "document" as many as we can.

  6. I'm excited for you both! Sky is the limit! You have each other and where ever your wandering feet take you. Come visit! :)


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