Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Question
It's very curious how you refer to submissive and slaves exclusively as female. Why is that?AnswerI am breaking my standing policy to answer to anonymous posters but would tell you that in my experience male submissive struggle to internalize how to truly be submissive so I usually post my learnings from the women I have trained…educated along life’s path
    -- Erospainter
While I do get considerable inspiration from the various blogs I follow, it's exceedingly rare that I'd address one directly, let alone address a post simply to contradict and disassemble.  If you don't mind odd little metaphors, it's time to say - this is the exception that proves the rule - whatever that is supposed to mean.

Do male submissives really struggle to become truly submissive?

I do know that male submissives are (generally) a bit different from female submissives.  There's no real surprise there if you stop and think about it, vanilla males and females differ considerable, as do male and female dominants.  Heck, it's not just sexes that differ, every submissive and slave are unique and different, not only in appearance, but also unique in mind and spirit.

I'm not a cookie cutter dominant, I'm not going to try and shape every submissive I play with to fit the same mold.  Each is going to internalize submission in their own way, and an enlightened dominant isn't likely to be rigid in approach.  My preference is adapting to guide each in their own way as that is certainly the most productive path, at least that has been the case in my experience.

With all of that in mind, I do not believe that males are inherently incapable of properly internalizing submission, not at all!

I've seen truly slavish males who would do literally anything to please their Mistress, I've known males who lived every bit as submissively as any woman I've ever met.  The trail they follow to get there is usually different than a female submissive's path, but that in no way changes the end result.

We are all entitled to bad moments, to speaking off hand, not meaning exactly what was typed, not typing exactly what we mean.  I hope that's the case with Erospainter's quote.

When I look at the quote for what it actually says, it's not a sex positive message, it's not a message that's positive in any way to the BDSM community as a whole.  It's said there are actually more male submissives than female out there in the world, looking for a guiding hand and more.

With that in mind Erospainter managed, in a single sentence, to disparage more than half of the submissives in existence.  That's not a good or wise thing to say even if it's qualified by the common apologist phrase used by the prejudiced - "in my experience".

You ain't painting eros when you are insulting and disparaging others out of hand, there you are talking words of a significantly different color.  When I hear ignorance couched in those terms, I really need to advise that somebody needs widen their circle of vision, or their circle of friends.

The BDSM community is not above criticism, far from it. I don't know any community that should totally disregard constructive calls for change.  But there's no sense in tearing others down, there's nothing positive that's going to come of treating half of a community with absolute disregard and dismissal.  We all have our own desires, but by making those desires absolute, by saying that one sex can't do it right, the message becomes absolute and negative.

If somebody asks me about referring to my slave/wife and female slave directly, rather than trying to put things into more gender neutral terms, it's not that difficult a question to answer.  That is my current experience, and it's the majority of my sum experience as a dominant, acting as a dominant for female submissives.

My previous sub/wife and I had a "house boy" for six months, something like 15 years ago.  We also had at least two different male friends that the ex-wife dominated under my direction, never on a regular basis, but at least occasionally.  We corresponded and chatted with a number of others through the years, so while my experiences with and around male submissives isn't greatly extensive, it is a topic I can discuss with at least a little authority, having lived with and hosted a male sub.

But is dealing with a male sub going to be my primary frame of reference?  Not as long as I'm being faithful to my own perspective and experience.  There's just no need to disparage anyone in saying that . . .

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