Friday, December 2, 2011

Training Serafina

I'll never forget the first time I began to discuss "slave training" with my darling Serafina, as her response was priceless . . .

"Do you think I'm some kind of dog or something?"

Obviously, I'd hit a nerve.

The word "training" had some serious negative connotations in her eyes.  "Training" was something that is done to make animals more obedient, not something done to humans.  And, while we were at it, the word "Pet" as applied to a submissive had some baggage for her too.  "Training" was how she got her pet to come on command.

I couldn't help but chuckle to myself.

I guess this wasn't a good time to tell her that I intended to train her to cum on command . . .

You see, the word "training" never had any negative meaning to me personally.

My family has always been heavily into volunteerism.  For instance, my father was an volunteer athletic coach as a hobby.  It seemed he was always busy during the school year, coaching football in the fall, wrestling in the winter, and track in the spring.

Dad enjoyed teaching skills and instilling discipline, he was a master at building a real team out of a diverse group of youngsters.  I helped with coaching for several years, and invariably our football teams would finish first, or at worst second, in our region.  Every year he coached, one of his wrestlers and one of his runners would take city honors.

In my eyes "training" was an everyday human activity.  From my perspective "training" was a way to build a better and stronger individual, both physically and mentally.  Even fundamental activities like eating were part of the process.  The mentality was that breakfast, lunch and supper were not meals, they were part of the "training table."

As I write these words and reflect on my earlier years, I'm even better understanding myself and my proclivities.  My basic interest in BDSM isn't explained by my youthful coaching activities, but it does to an extent explain my interest in protocols and training.  And, it just dawned on me that I've been called "Sir" since I was just 14, and from that age I have been training individuals, in one form or another.

But I digress . . .

When Serafina made her statement about training, I hadn't yet connected the word "training" from my youthful sports activities to the BDSM training context.  That might have been a good analogy to help Serafina understand how training and discipline are a part of my nature and personality.

I think at the time I simply asked her if she trusted me not to truly hurt or abuse her.  When she responded that I had earned her trust, I believe I told her not to worry her pretty little head about the details, or the negative connotations of some words.  I also remember telling Serafina that with time and experience she'd understand better.  I remember predicting that she'd come to crave having Master's undivided attention devoted to her "training."

At that time, I'm sure my answer was unsatisfying.  Maybe it still is to a certain extent.  Fortunately, her trust in me was/is very strong.

Serafina is a remarkable individual who has lived an extraordinary life.  She raised four children, schooled them too.  She's more than just competent in any kind of endeavor on which she embarks, be it artistic, domestic, intellectual, educational, personal, or business related.  She's a wonderfully thoughtful, compassionate, and vibrant person.

But, she didn't really know anything about being my slave.  And, that's my cue to come back to the title of this posting.

I'm happy to teach her about submission, to take her deeper and deeper into my dominance.  I see it as a lifelong process, where we are learning and growing together on a mutual journey.   She's fully accepting of my role as Master, and she thrives in her submission to me.

Yet, even today, she still see's a difference between the words "training" and "education."  So, perhaps she'd prefer that I call  it "butt education" rather than "anal training" when I play with her ass.   I'm not sure, it's a question I've never asked because the particular words aren't that important to me.

As the lead wheel in our relationship, I do have a fair view of the path just ahead, and I'll do my best to shape the journey.  But, while I might see tomorrow fairly clearly, the future is always uncertain.  I can no more predict where we will be a year or five years from now, than I can see around the curve of the earth.  Many things are beyond the control of even the best Master or Mistress.

So, call the portions of our BDSM play where I direct and control her education, experiences, and responses a name like "slave training," or another name altogether, it makes no difference to me.  I learned a long time ago that the journey is what is important.

And for that journey, there is a collar around Serafina's neck, it's attached to my lead.  Whether anyone else can physically see the lead is immaterial, we know it's there and it's a bond that shall remain unbroken.  Serafina's my best friend, confidante, and my lover; but, she's also my slave/wife.  She's along for the full duration of the ride in every one of those roles.

What else matters?


  1. I know Sir, that I'm commenting very late on this particular post, but I just have to say thank you. Having just come upon your blog today, I began reading and I must thank you profusely for your honesty and show of true, compassionate dominance with your wife. For someone like myself, being young and nowhere near as experienced in the lifestyle; yet understanding my own personal needs from a Dom (for the most part), having someone with such a natural, honest and open commentary on BDSM is refreshing. The kindness you show to your readers and the commentary regarding your wife/slave proves that there is hope for those of us who look to have a dominant that will cherish us as well as understand our needs.

    I commend up Sir and thank you for enlightening us all.

    Most sincerely,

  2. How do you make a dominant blush? Young Ms Kate has that one figured out, that's for sure!

    My natural reaction would be to say I'm not worthy of such wonderful praise, that I'm just a man trying to find his way just like anyone else. But, I need to correct myself there, and remember my own lessons. I do stress to Serafina that she's worthy of the praise she receives. So rather than protest, I'll have a bit more grace . . .

    I'd like to thank you kindly for the praise, it warms my heart to know I've had an impact, that my writing means something!

    I should also tell you that this blog was conceived to be exactly as you mention - a natural, honest and open commentary on the way Serafina and I live a BDSM lifestyle. Your comment helps me to know we're on the right path, and are succeeding in that goal. Thank you again!

    Our way certainly isn't the ONLY way, I don't believe there is a single true path to take into and through a lifestyle that incorporates BDSM, but I do know for a fact that our way is a good way! I sure wouldn't trade what I have for anything!

    thank you again!

    a most sincere return,

  3. I am honored, Sir, that I could possibly make you blush. Let me just say that as someone who not only enjoys reading, but who has delved deeply into readings regarding BDSM and D/s relationships in order to better understand who I am and what led me to realize I am a submissive; your blog sheds a light that enables those new to the lifestyle/discovering themselves within the lifestyle to have an unbiased, yet eclectic understanding of what BDSM can be. I must say that I am fascinated by your coupling/comparison of BDSM and tantra and look forward to reading much more of what you and ms serafina have written. What you write leads me to new viewpoints and you have some lovely advice regarding toys I would beg a Master to purchase. teehee. Thank you again Sir (and ms serafina) for sharing who you is an honor to be a part of it through reading.


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