Skip to main content


I read the comment, "The ultimate deal breaker, I love my hair."
I was over at this morning, surveying all the lovely kinky images people have shared at that site, when I ran across the accompanying picture.  As is common with tumblr, there are no credits or copyright information, so I have no idea who created this stunning image.  I don't know who made the stunning collar, nor do I know the identity of the model.

What I do know is this - the comment that accompanied the photo made me chuckle.  When sharing the picture, the author of the tumblr blog bigirlfantasy said:
The ultimate deal breaker, I love my hair.
Please don’t misunderstand, in chuckling at this comment I’m not making fun of anyone’s limits or taking a jab at this individual.  Far from it.  In fact, I’m sure there are a lot of ladies, and some men too, that would balk at having their head shaved.

I’m just a lot more used to hearing or seeing different kinds of things as “hard limits” - kids, animals, scat, watersports, bloodsports, etc.  So it’s simply that this isn’t one of the common limits I’ve seen listed.

Because it wasn't what I expected, it made me think. It struck a chord.  It made me think.

Now, I probably need to tell you that a good “think” often causes me to chuckle.   If nothing else, I laugh at the absurdity of life, and how serious and dear we sometimes hold transitory things.  Thing like hair and physical beauty are fleeting, impermanent. How and why do the matter so much?

With that said, the real reason I write this short essay isn't to riff on metaphysics, it's to discuss limits, and to say that all limits are sacrosanct.

(esp. of a principle, place, or routine) Regarded as too important or valuable to be interfered with.
sacred - holy - inviolable

There are two basic kinds of limits, Hard Limits and Soft Limits.  They are similar, yet very different.

Hard Limits are serious stuff, really serious stuff.  They are urgent.  Hard Limits deserve demand our attention and respect.

Hard Limits are kind of like a fallout zone.  When you go there you can’t see the radioactivity or feel it, but trust me, it will fry you just the same.  Go there once and you are pretty much toast, done, finished, kaput.  It's over baby!

The catchphrase to remember for the deadly nature of hard limits - "Avoid Like the Plague!"

Soft Limits are a slightly different animal.  They are also sacred and sacrosanct, but they aren’t necessarily deadly.  Instead of being absolutely disgusting, Soft Limits are usually scary things, forbidden or taboo, yet things for which we feel both attraction and dread.  There are times where soft limits can even be potent fantasy material.

Soft Limits can be approached, discussed, pondered, evaluated, and even negotiated.

As an experienced dominant, I enjoy helping a submissive challenge their soft limits.  If you are a young or inexperienced dominant, this is territory to avoid. Before somebody thinks to themselves, "These old dominants always want to keep all the good stuff for themselves," please give me a moment to explain.

Pushing limits is not something I’d suggest for new and inexperienced dominants, because they need to need to know the great wealth of experiences to be had and enjoyed without ever approaching any kind of limit.  I see BDSM as an "additive journey" - each successive step you immerse yourself in makes the final whole that much greater and rewarding.  The beginning dominant robs themselves of many wonderful experiences and much potential pleasure by trying to skip to the head of some imaginary line.

Newer dominants need to have experienced and resolved what to do when a scene goes wrong or falls apart before approaching or pushing limits.  BDSM is a rewarding lifestyle, at least in part because it involves skills that come only with time and experience.  And please remember, "Mastery" isn't something that is bestowed upon a person as a birthright, it's not an exercise in self nomination, or a declaration one makes, it's an accumulation of a lifetime of accrued skills and knowledge.

Please remember, even when you are experienced and comfortable in BDSM, even when you know you are ready to start, anxious to begin exploring this aspect of dominance and submission, playing with soft limits needs to be a slow, careful, and thoughtful process.

I guess a good analogy would be to say pushing soft limits is a lot like butt sex, assuming that ass fucking is not a hard limit …

Like with anal sex, It’s best not to push too much, if at all when playing with a soft limit.  Instead it’s far better to let the submissive relax into everything.  Always use patience, care and love, to help your submissive or slave get comfortable with the pleasure she can receive …


Now, as for shaved heads on women, I do think they are sexy.

Having her head shaved is not a limit for my slave/wife Serafina.  We discussed this a few months back when I discovered that bondage ropemaker Twisted Monk enjoyed shaving women’s heads.  I even have a plan.

Her head will be shaved the year I finally retire, the first year I no longer work for pay.

At that point, we will begin spending most of our time travelling together in an RV.  Our plan is to spend the better part of most of those "golden years" on the road, exploring North America, having kinky adventures, visiting old friends and meeting new ones.

It's a long time away, at least 20 years for me, but I'm already making plans for travelling and living in a "mobile dungeon."   I'm already investing in travel cases for all my BDSM gear, organizing everything with help from a company called  For Your Nymphomation.

And I'm already fantasizing about teasing Serafina with the cool air of the RV's air conditioner, asking her how it feels on the naked flesh covering her skull.  Won't she be quite the sight, pumping gas for me, her bare head accentuating the very obvious thick steel collar locked around her neck?

Ohh, baby!


  1. Thanks to Google Image Search (after TinEye was a fail), I found where the image is from: Antiseptic Fashion.

    And interestingly, some of my hard limits have changed over the years. Which is why I find it useful to re-do my BDSM checklists every once in a while.

    xx Dee


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Panty Gags (keeping her quiet pt. 9)

Inserting Intimates Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 9) - Panty Gags Welcome to another installment in an ongoing discussion about gags and gagging in BDSM.  Other postings in this series (so far) include: Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 1) - Duct Tape GagsKeeping Her Quiet (pt. 2) - Introduction to GagsKeeping Her Quiet (pt. 3) - Variations on a GagKeeping Her Quiet (pt. 4) - Wiffle GagKeeping Her Quiet (pt. 5) - Serafina's AssignmentKeeping Her Quiet (pt. 6) - Hand GagKeeping Her Quiet (pt. 7) - Drooling!Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 8) - Gag Maker ExtraordinaireKeeping Her Quiet (pt. 9) - Panty Gags Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 10) - Fetish GagsOnce again, I'd like to remind my readers that the series title is not intended to be chauvinistic or sexist.   Instead, it's a reflection of my 30 years of experience exploring the world of BDSM as a heterosexual dominant.

You are who you are, and I am who I am, and it's a beautiful thing that we all aren't the same in our personal wants, needs, and desire…

Drooling!!! (keeping her quiet pt. 7)

Slippery When Wet - Gags & Drooling

Welcome to an ongoing discussion of gags and gagging in the world of BDSM.  Today, I'll be featuring an inevitable consequence of being gagged, as well as the fetish some have for this special aspect of keeping her quiet.

And, it should be said that today's post is a very slippery topic.  It could even be said that it's discussion occurs on a slippery slope, as folks tend to either love or hate the fact that gags can cause uncontrollable drooling.

Other postings (so far) in this series include:
Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 1) - Duct Tape GagsKeeping Her Quiet (pt. 2) - Introduction to GagsKeeping Her Quiet (pt. 3) - Variations on a GagKeeping Her Quiet (pt. 4) - Wiffle GagKeeping Her Quiet (pt. 5) - Serafina's AssignmentKeeping Her Quiet (pt. 6) - Hand GagKeeping Her Quiet (pt. 7) - Drooling!Keeping Her Quiet (pt 8) - Gag Maker Extraordinaire
Please note that the title of the series is intended to be neither sexist nor chauvinistic, inste…

Duct Tape Gags (keeping her quiet pt. 1)

An essential part of any abduction or damsel in distress scenario, nothing screams enforced submission better than the image of a submissive who has been bound and gagged.  Welcome to the first installment of "keeping her quiet", an ongoing discussion about gags and gagging in BDSM.

I'd first like to note, for you my dear reader, that the title "keeping her quiet" is not intended to be sexist in any way.  Please understand that any observations or advice I give are almost always equally applicable to gags used upon a male submissive.  My choice of a female pronoun is not intended to imply that female submissives, nor women in general, should be gagged or stifled from expressing themselves.  This is about the use of gags for BDSM scenes, not life in general.

The articles on gags are intended to be pansexual.  My original working title for this series of postings was actually "keeping them quiet".  While that's a more politically correct title, and…