Friday, December 9, 2011

a cross post . . .

I suppose there are at least two ways to interpret the title, one of them being that I'm angry.  I assure you that despite featuring eyes with tears in them as it's image, this post is far more complex, and has nothing to do with any kind of real anger.

It's x-posted from tumblr, where Serafina and I also blog.

Master to Serafina

My darling Serafina desires to serve me perfectly.
Humans aren’t perfect.
She cries too if she’s fallen short … 
One or twice, watching the display, I’ve gotten hard.  Very hard.  Urgently.
This is the first time I’ve shared that fact.  I’m a little ashamed that real crying could have such a visceral effect.  Perhaps it simply revolved around knowing how desperately she wants to please me, but, I also know it’s source could be darker.
Dominants are complex and less than perfect too.

Serafina to Master

I do not expect you to be perfect as I know how imperfect I am.  And, yes my goal is to follow and serve you so that you will be happy with me.  When the tears begin I am basically undone, and ready to retreat into oblivion.  When you get angry with me, unless I know fully well how and why I earned it, it makes me feel unworthy.  Even if you express just the smallest measure of disappointment, it affects me deeply with a resolve to do better next time or fix it right away.
I am supper sensitive…when my boys were little one of them would do his own thing regardless of punishments or discipline used.  What he was forbidden to do he would get right back where he’d left off.  The other was so tuned in to me that all I had to look at him and he would literally wither.  He seldom needed further correction.  I am by far as sensitive and more. 
There is no darker side, unless something triggers a flash-back.  At that time I just need you to draw me in very close and hold me.  Allow me cry a bit, or fill you in on what is going on, so we can continue, perhaps with a bit different activity, which is what you have done in the past.

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