Thursday, December 22, 2011

last day

The bulk of this essay is a re-posting of "The last day together" - writing of a young new friend from tumblr.  It's a cautionary tale really, an example of exactly how a naive young person should not be introduced to the world of BDSM.

The whole story (and backstory) here is, from my perspective, both exciting and disturbing. 

If this is pure fantasy, it's great writing, hot.  There are a few details that lead me to suspect it's might be a fabrication, yet the author insists it is true, and it's not totally beyond belief.

It's the story of an odious dominant.  If "The last day together" is a true reflection of the "reality" Mr Jackson (I won't honor a gameplayer of his sort with the name "Master") offers a submissive, his behavior is so damn rotten as to qualify as criminal.  

I honestly believe the author was exploring in one manner or another her fantasy of being controlled, of being exhibited and admired, and of being used.  I guess if the fantasy is to be treated like a whore, then the author got what she wanted.

Rather than being treated like a whore, I believe the author was looking for some kind of entry level experience, an exciting exploration.  If that was the goal, it's still unfulfilled, she'll need to look elsewhere. 

Maybe it's not this way in every relationship, but I live in a world where submissives are truly respected and cherished just the same as they are teased, tormented and controlled.  I know there are differing opinions regarding consent, but I don't see anything in this story as consensual, rather it's a descent into abuse.

The last day together

So this my last night and day as being owned, I’ve been avoiding the word slave but tonight changed all that I guess, I know I’m not. Master Jackson sent me a package with a LBD, as I said very little black dress, 4 inch black pumps from Cole Haan with the strap around the ankle. Those are now the most comfortable heels I own. Also, there was a black lace thong, his favorite I know, and leather cuffs with steel bands on the outside for both ankle and wrists with little Master Locks and no key of course. I had to think about it, I know his games once on only he can take off….but there isn’t much I can do about if I want the adventure. He had instructions in the package as to what he wanted, a little dark almost gothic and I got dressed, a text came over and said I had 10 minutes. I was take nothing with me, no cell, no purse, no makeup, nothing. I picked the ankle cuff and placed it and set the lock on it. I finally clicked it closed and now I knew there was no going back, the cuffs had a steel band around them so there was no cutting it off. The rest were easy, I guess I knew that now I was committed when I saw a black limo pull up.
I went to the limo and the driver opened the door for me, Master Jackson and Lissa were in the car….she was dressed like me including the shoes. I know she doesn’t really care for me so that must have killed her, but no Sandy. I sat down and he looked at me and said “inspection”, I lifted my dress and showed what I had on and he gave me this evil smile.
“Tonight only this girl is owned,” he brushed my hair back, “this girl will fulfill several of her fantasies. Tonight they become reality, the girl will experience what she has been exploring.” I knew he meant the Tumblr, he had been monitoring it. He pulled me close and kissed me on the lips, a first, then told me to close my eyes. I felt a collar around my neck and then heard the click, at that point I wanted run but there was no where to go. He had champagne in the car and drank as much as I could as fast as I could…that helped.
We went though a gate to what seemed to be a huge home, he handed both Lissa and I dark sunglasses and we both just put them on without a word said, he places a leash on both of us and driver opened he door. We walked to the main door and into the house and thats when my heart dropped…it was a PARTY! A cocktail party! Not what I had experienced him before, it was a regular party. Lissa and I were the only ones in our situation. I felt naked as everyone stared at us, I was a pet. I could feel the sweat building as petite woman walked up the Master Jackson and said, “You always have the best toys.” I wanted to run, I wanted to cry, I wanted to present myself as his toy, too many emotions to count, I just stood there. He walked us around and I felt on display, a mannequin at a clothing store. Men stared at my legs and breasts, the dress was a little low cut an with no bra I tried to avoid any cold drafts. I now knew what Master Jackson was talking about, he was making my exhibitionist fantasies a reality in a way I had never suspected. After about an hour I became more comfortable with situation and everyone there became used to us, Lissa seemed to as ease the whole time and later told me it wasn’t her first rodeo.
Still…I was told to go make Master Jackson a Manhattan, he knew I had bartended in college and I went to the back of the bar making his drink, he left Lissa on a couch came behind the bar with me. I was making the drink and set it on the bar when I felt him behind me, it was dark there so it didn’t worry me much when he lifted my dress from behind and grabbed my butt cheeks, then something new. I felt him pull my underwear to the side and I must have more excited than I thought because then he penetrated me with ease. I was in a room with at least 250 people being fucked by Master Jackson for the first time. I had to act normal and hoped no one wanted a drink. After a couple of minutes I realized the woman that had made the toy comment was staring at us, watching me. She walked over and sat at the bar right in front of me took of the glasses and looked into my eyes, it was like the only people in the room was the three of us. She started drinking the Manhattan I had made still looking in eyes, then she bit the cherry in half then dipping it the drink…she then put it to my lips so I could taste the bourbon. I’m pretty much of a screamer but here I couldn’t make a sound I just rolled my eyes back in head and almost passed out again. The woman just sat there and smiled at me with her body shielding from the crowed a bit and said, “If he puts you up for sale I’m buying you.” I felt his warmness ejaculate inside me, felt so good like I had been given a gift…He then told to go clean up and get ready to go. I excused myself to the ladies room and realized that I had shaky legs still, it so intense but in the bathroom another woman brought me back to reality as she walked past me and said “whore” just loud enough for me to hear. I thought what a sad life she must live.
Master Jackson placed my leash back on and I could tell Lissa was upset, I think there is more there than I was led to believe and I’m a threat. Sandy isn’t but I must be thats why shes not here.
We went to a fairly well know club next and as we left car Master Jackson looked at Lissa with a hand out, she reached up and slid her panties down then handed them to hm. Then he looked at me and I did the same, at the point really didn’t care who saw what. The funny part was here was a man I barely knew and yet we had all this non-verbal communication. In the club we danced and fooled around in a corner booth, I let Lissa take the lead all the time, we got stared at a lot for obvious reasons but it only made me more excited, at that club this was all most normal. Lissa announced she had to pee and I knew I had to…Master Jackson took our leashes and walked us to the mens room, another fun surprise. It was a typical club bathroom and had lots of people moving around, she and I were walked over to a stall and Master Jackson held the door open for all to see her pee. Couple of guys clapped when she was done and I really had to pee at that point and was drunk enough with all that happened durning the night I didn’t really didn’t care who saw me. I got done and was grabbing toilet paper when the applause began so I stood up and took a bow much the amusement of both Lissa and Master Jackson.
We left the club and drove into a parking garage where the driver helped us to an elevator that led to a loft I hadn’t been yet. I know we had sex and I know I finally passed out from exhaustion.
When I woke up the sun was coming up, his late night must be hard him to, took me a few minutes to figure out where I was and what was what. I was nude except for the anklet, the cuffs and collar were gone and I was alone. On the table was a backpack purse from Ralph Laurent, and I had to laugh again. He did everything like this, I opened the bag and the cuffs and collar were inside with a $10 bill and a Christmas present. There was a posted note, “Money for coffee and do not open till Christmas.” I found my dress and shoes grabbed the bag and realized that I had no idea where I was. I took the elevator down and there was a Starbucks next building over, figured out I was about eight blocks from home.
I walked into the Starbucks and reality set in, I’ve had a few morning after walk of shames wearing the same clothes from the night before, but this was going to be my longest and coldest. I had my $10 in hand and asked the barista how much a Venti coffee scone and breakfast sandwich would be and he just smiled and knew I needed help. He took care of me for the $10 and even made me a skinny latte. He knew I had come from quite a night and I’m sure he’s seen worse. I sat down in a corner being very careful to cross my legs because I’m sure Master Jackson took the panties as a souvenir…the night before I was showing my chochie to anyone that would look and now I had a sudden attack of the shy’s. The Starbucks guy knew I’d been bad and maybe saw me as an opportunity…not really sure but I wasn’t in the mood to show what I had unlike just 12 hours before. I felt so much better after eating, the walk home took forever, I had to wear the heels because it was cold and I was naked more of less. A hot shower and 6 hours of sleep changes perspective, I learned a lot about myself over the last two weeks and have lots of souvenirs of my own in the form of shoes and clothes. I look at the fact he gave a Christmas present as a sign that he doesn’t expect me back and maybe he knows it’s for the best. The Starbucks guy gave me his number before I left, more than likely just trying to get laid, maybe right now I need normal for a few days.
I can have no contact till December 4th so I have to just think about what I want.  

Once again, if this was pure fantasy, then well done . . .

If it's reality, then we really need to talk a lot more thean we already have.

I wouldn't sit around waiting to hear back from a rapist dear.  The morning after, my counsel would have been to take a cab to a rape crisis center.  

It's probably too late for that, but not too late for understanding.

Darkness looms 
There's nothing consensual about the way this man played.  His games are a road map for everything a new-found submissive should avoid.  

His behavior is straight out of a fantasy book, but has nothing to do with how real human beings with feelings and emotions can be treated.

A good dominant is hard to find, but so is a good partner.  Ultimately, neither one is worth the risks portrayed in this story, no matter how heart racing they seem on paper.

Like they always say on TV - "Don't try this at home."

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