Sunday, November 13, 2011

marriage, life, and the universe

A woman who has never been hit by a man has never been loved.

    -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Back on the last day of October, we included a quote from Zsa Zsa Gabor here at SpiritualBDSM - "Personally I know nothing about sex because I have always been married."  Not exactly a flattering statement about those of us who wear rings on our fingers.

As I commented a few days back, in a brief little note called - "about all those quotes . . ." - the quotations we post here at our virtual home are not always intended to be taken at face value.  The quote about sexless marriages was included because Serafina was previously in that situation.  She divorced a partner who had little interest in anything at all, and an especially critical lack of interest in any kind of lovemaking.

With that said, anyone who knows Serafina and myself at all, knows that we have a good measure of respect for the institution of marriage.  And of course, they should know that we also have lots of sex.  Here in my 40's, I don't quite have the libido of 20 years ago, but it's not unheard of for Serafina and I to make love three times in a night.  I guess the real difference between now and then is I can't perform to that level on consecutive nights. As we get older it's more necessary to pick and choose when and where, but that also has it's own rewards.

Serafina is always and ever willing.  No, she's more than that, she's forever wanting!  My slave/wife is a marvel, without a doubt the most beautiful sexual creature I've ever have, or ever will know.  Given the choice between a night out dancing, or a night of being bound, tormented, and ultimately having my cock plunge in and out of her until she's nigh on delerious - she pick's my cock every time.

I am, indeed, a very lucky man.

And, returning to the quotes by Ms Gabor, I hope everyone also knows I would never strike Serafina in anger.  There's a very distinct line I see between BDSM and abuse, and that line is drawn so play can never involve any true anger.

Spankings and floggings, nipple and genitorture, strict bondage and even sensory deprivation are all good and fine, in the right place and time.   BDSM experiences can be cathartic, they have the potential to slay old demons. But, they are not tools for resolving differences between active partners.

You aren't going to read here about Serafina getting a spanking because she acted out, or upset me.  I believe in discipline not punishment.  I believe in starting instruction by saying the word "shall," rather than focusing on any kind of "shall not."  I prefer to direct by saying "thou will" instead of "thou will not."

Every dominant is unique, and every submissive is too.  What works for me may not work for you.  Like car commercials, there need to be disclaimers that "your mileage may vary" added on to any advice given about living a BDSM lifestyle.  But, if Serafina and I were faced with that iconic question - "How's that working for you?" - we can offer a hearty affirmation here, "It's all very good!"
Men have always liked me and I have always liked men. But I like a mannish man, a man who knows how to talk to and treat a woman—not just a man with muscles.
    -- Zsa Zsa Gabor

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