Sunday, October 16, 2011

Making Up is Hard To Do

I have dis-honored Master.  I have wounded him deeply and he is uncertain how to trust me, and I can not blame him.   I do not know how long the journey back to trusting will take nor how long it will take.

Master has had the unfortunate experiences with two former relationships where lack of trust was a foremost issue.  Now he wonders aloud if I am no better than the others who have preceded me.  I have sought to earnestly prove myself in every way.  It is not a personal challenge, it is truly how I feel.  It slays me when he wonders if he has made another mistake, but I have let him down and so I have earned the doubt.

I am deeply remorseful and in desperate need of forgiveness and acceptance.  In words this has already been committed, yet I find myself feeling deeply ashamed for my actions and wondering how I can earn his precious love and trust from here.

It will be a slow, tedious journey back, and I intend to somehow make up for my transgression and I know it will take the rest of my life to arrive.  I hope he gives me more chances than I even deserve.  I hope it will be a stronger relationship for the recognition of a willing commitment to show repentance, and re-direction.  I hope he can find it in his heart to forgive me again.  I will embrace whatever he gives me, and try to do better.

I wish to leave our readers with a thought from the Dalli Lama.  I challenge everyone to love and live life to the fullest

My Dearest Serafina,
Thank you for the apology.
Please know in your heart that the only actions that could truly anger me are circumstances that might endanger yourself, your emotional or physical well being, or our ability to remain together.
I believe we are both still emotionally raw, not to mention physically and emotionally worn out from the ordeal of my Mother's passing at the end of August.  All of the various germs and virus we've been exposed to at hospitals and airports have forced our immune systems to work overtime, neither one of us has had any significant period of feeling well for the last six weeks.  Misjudgments are more common when emotionally and physically drained. 
With all of that in mind, I do hope you know that I forgive you.  My forgiveness is without condition or reservation.  More than anyone else in the world, you have taught me the meaning of compassion.  I offer this to you as well, to the best of my abilities.
All I ask in return, is your sincere promise that when we are physically apart, that you will always put your own safety and well being above all else.  I know you put the utmost value on our relationship, as do I.  But, you sometimes are too quick to disregard your own well being, not to mention your own importance.
Remember our bicycle analogy.  I don't wish to be a unicycle, even if our roles are different, it is only when we work together, pointed in the same direction, that we will realize our goals.  Your well being is of utmost importance to me.
All of my love, and forgiveness . . .
Master Michael

Thank you Master, I am humbly grateful to you.  I cherish you and want our relationship to last for a long time without any conflicts or derailments.  I weep as I now publish with gratitude.

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